Question #31: Who should I vote for?

MarteeGee's question: Hey Steve, I don't know who to vote for in the coming election. Any suggestions?

Current mood: current

I'm so glad you asked MarteeGee. Although I think voting is akin to taking a pill that can increase the size of your penis, I would like to put aside my skepticism and apolitical leanings to endorse my good friend Mookie.

Mookie Salmon

Party affiliation: Trojans

Office sought: King

Platform:

1. A free box of crayons and a cannoli for every citizen
2. Change the work week to Monday - Tuesday
3. No more country music!
4. Economy: Replace the dollar with colored paper clips
5. Healthcare: Allow only really attractive people into dental school in order to make going to the dentist more pleasant; Eliminate insurance companies
6. Education: Replace algebra with canoe building

Experience: Mookie is a long time pastry chef who's surprisingly good at giving oral sex (both women and men).

Vote for Mookie 

"He'll make you feel good"