Question #22: The Tea Party Movement

LittleSamurai's question: Steve, What are your thoughts on the Tea Party movement?

Current mood: kumquat

My dear LittleSamurai, questions like yours inspire me to tell my favourite bedtime story.

Once upon a time there was a faraway land of exquisite beauty and bountiful resources. It was a new world. A veritable paradise rich with possibilities . . .

Upon discovering this wondrous place, legions of fair-skinned people from the old world made the treacherous journey across the great sea armed with only dreams of creating a new kind of empire - a realm where everyone, regardless of their economic status, skin colour, religious beliefs, fashion sense, sexual orientation, musical tastes or political leanings could live in complete freedom.

But the newcomers ran into a slight obstacle when they arrived. There were people already living in this magical place.

No problem.

The newcomers got right to work creating fantastic relationships and communities with the native people. They worked side-by-side sharing ideas and skills and wonderful feasts. However, there was a lot of work to do. So, many of the newcomers invited their black skinned brothers and sisters to the new world to help make their innovative endeavor a great success! On the distant shores of a place called Africa they said, "Come help us black skinned ones! We've got to pave the way for our dreams of prosperity. You see, we have this idea for a chain of fast food restaurants. A wonderful eatery where a friendly and not at all creepy clown with bright red hair and a puffy yellow outfit will serve you a 'happy meal!'" How could the dark skinned people turn down an offer like that? It was truly a magical time.

After many years and many triumphs, a group of very important men gathered with the intention of putting into writing the ideals of this great new nation. When they finished their project they stepped back and shook their heads in amazement. One of the men addressed the group with tears in his eyes. He said, "Gentlemen, this document is truly magnificent. A thing of beauty. I stand before you with a great sense of pride. For this document leads us to believe that we're really a swell group of forward thinkers. On this day I predict that the more we read this document - and really start to believe that it's true - the more we'll find it's okay that our actions don't live up to our ideals."

His voice rose with the excitement of a priest at a boy scout convention, "I believe this document will give us, and generations to come, freedom from internal dissonance. The words we've authored on this extraordinary day will make it okay to be the dicks that we are!"

And a very select few lived happily ever after . . .

(This story was taken from Steve The Raven's soon to be released book Revisionist History: Meaningful tales from the days before homosexuality)

Got a question? stevetheraven@tds.net