A Conversation with an Angry Tea Bagger

Current mood: slick

It seems I've ruffled some feathers once again (no pun intended). Last week's post resulted in the following internet chat exchange with a passionate patriot:

Freedom Fighter: UR a communist pig

Steve the Raven: Wrong on both accounts, my freedom fighting friend. I'm actually an apolitical bird.

FF: You can't write the kind of BS you wrote on that blog of yours last week and not be a communist.

STR: Sure, I can. I can both write my blog and not be a communist.

FF: How dare you disrespect the founding fathers of the United States of America.

STR: Unfortunately your warning comes too late. I've already done it. Would you like a copy of my new book Revisionist History: Meaningful tales from the days before homosexuality when it comes out as a consolation?

FF: It's people like you-

STR: I'm a bird

FF: - who want to throw away the freedom that this great country of ours was founded on

STR: Have you considered the possibility that you don't know what you're talking about?

FF: UR on drugs

STR: 'Your' country was founded on greed, not freedom. Quite a few of the founding fathers were wealthy slave owners. Hmmm . . . I wonder how free the Africans and the Indians felt at the time?

FF: It's because of the Founding Fathers that I'm living the American Dream and so are you!!!

STR: Ah, yes the American dream. The pursuit of happiness.

FF: You got it!

STR: How much debt do you have?

FF: What does that have to do with anything?

STR: Debt = the "new" slavery

FF: WTF?

STR: Allow me to illustrate using a very precise mathematical formula I created.

Middle Income American Dream:
Birth + Student loan(s) + Loan for SUV + Mortgage + equity line of credit + credit card (fuel to run your SUV + weekly tanning bed sessions + annual trip to Cabo + monthly subscription to the 'She-Males Gone Wild' website) + second mortgage - Illusion of Freedom ÷ you're screwed = the "new" slavery

Low Income American Dream:
Birth = you're screwed

High Income American Dream:
Middle Class America's pursuit of happiness + illegal aliens' pursuit of happiness (+ strong work ethic) = guaranteed happiness for wealthy Americans + meticulously landscaped lawns

FF: Everyone has the same opportunity to be successful

STR: Is it considered incest if Uncle Sam is your pimp?

FF: prick

STR: What do you say we sing a song to celebrate your freedom?! I'll start and you can join in whenever you like . . ."Swing Low, Sweet Chariot; Coming for to carry me home . . ."