Question #10: Will the world end in 2012?

Farmboy29's question: Do you think the world is going to end in 2012?

Current mood: Spongy

You may want to grab yourself a snack Farmboy, this could take a while.

I did some empirically sound research on the internet and discovered that the outlook for 2012 is not good. According to experts, the following things are going to happen: the anti-christ will start a nuclear war, the supervolcano under Yellowstone will erupt, an asteroid will hit the Paramus Park Mall in NJ, a massive solar flare will fry the surface of the earth, the black plague will kill all but three people, the Earth's oceans will die, the Illuminati will start a one-world government and imprison the world's citizens in concentration camps, a pole reversal will activate the planet's tectonic plates breaking up land masses like sheets of balsa wood, the world's economies will completely collapse, and there will be an alien take over. The only surviving humans will be John Cusack, Joan Rivers and a guy from Iowa named Teeth Sarcosi.

How's that snack?

Now here's what I think will happen. The Earth's primates, specifically apes, will rise up and revolt against the human species. After making the surviving humans their slaves, the apes will dress in 1970's style tunics, ride horses and start speaking English.

It could happen.

But it probably won't because the apes I know, and I know quite a few, would never want to trade places with humans. No offense. In fact, every single species on this planet, plant and animal, feels the same. I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this yet, but we’re all a little disappointed in you.

But alas, there’s hope. Yesterday, I consulted with Lois, my favorite Raven elder, who helped me better grasp the bigger picture. She explained that deep in the recesses of the human collective unconscious is knowledge about cycles and transitions. She said what’s happening is that one cycle is coming to an end and another is beginning. Maybe you've heard that many indigenous humans are saying the same thing.

The current cycle, which began around 5000 years ago, marked a period of deep slumber for the human species. During this slumber you’ve been dreaming the most magnificent things – things that are complete bullshit. One example that comes to mind, and still makes me giggle, is that most humans believe that an all-powerful male deity, who lives in a cloud, wrote a book. That’s rich. Unfortunately this dream quickly became a nightmare when you started justifying some pretty atrocious behaviour as being the will of your god.

One of the most tragic results of this 5000 year slumber is your disconnect from and ensuing domination of the natural world. A disconnect that is perfectly demonstrated by your need to make every blade of grass the same length. In your sleepwalking dream, you forgot that everything on Earth is alive with spirit and can be communicated with. Everything. If you don’t buy this idea, let me remind you that you’re reading a blog written by a bird.

Grandma Lois told me that humans are waking up from their long slumber. For the really deep sleepers, it appears as though a serious smack down, in the form of a series of catastrophic events including the collapse of all your systems, is in order.

So Farmboy, the world will not end in 2012. I’m happy to report that the new cycle that we’re about to enter will be one of balance – the days of human domination and stupidity are over. I was thinking that it would be fun to make t-shirts to mark this transition. They could say, “Hey, Planet Earth . . . Let’s Be Friends Again! I’m Sorry We Fucked Everything Up. (I made cookies.).”