Dear 28 friends who read my blog,
My goal is to connect with you all on at least a weekly basis. So please accept my sincere apology for the recent gap in communication. The truth is I've received some death threats. It appears I've pissed some humans off with my brutally honest assessment of these challenging times. Here's one example of how a recent conversation with a disturbed fellow (aka, dumb fuck) I met while picking at garbage in the parking lot of the local Walmart went:
Disburbed Fellow: You gotta lot of nerve asshole.
Steve The Raven: Indeed.
DF: (glaring down at STR somewhat agitated)
STR: Do you have a question you’d like me to answer?
DF: (squints eyes a little more and leans toward STR in a threatening way)
STR: (grooms under left wing)
DF: I think yer the devil.
STR: That’s silly.
DF: The devil would say that.
STR: (rolls eyes)
DF: I think you gotta die. You can’t be spreadin’ all that devil worship propergander around. Jesus weren’t no tambourine player.
(Please refer to my 1/24/10 post: Did Jesus really exist?)
STR: How do you know?
DF: (wringing hands) Cuz I do. It weren’t in the bible. No tambourines were in the bible. Not a one.
STR: That makes sense.
DF: Yer really pissin’ me off.
STR: What about my right to freedom of speech?
DF: I think yer freedom of speech is trumpeted by my freedom to bear arms (Pulls out handgun from inside jacket)
STR: You mean to tell me you put off teabagging your wife to give me shit about a tambourine? (flies away avoiding bullets)
DF: (Yells) I’ll find you.
Inspired by this and other inane exchanges I've had as of late I decided it was high time to hire some body guards. Pictured below, please meet Knuckles the Poncho-Wearing Chimp and his kids Jane and Woody (left) and my old, dear friend Deathray Pete (right).
Email your questions to stevetheraven@tds.net
Damn man! I wouldn't want to come across Deathray Pete in a dark alley! Them easter eggs look like they can hurt!
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