Question #6: On Bullshit

weed's question: why is everything you say bullshit?

Current mood: Swiss

Perhaps Weed, my friend, it's because you're simple. I like simple folks. They look good in plaid.

Thanks for your question. May giant rocks never fall on your head - again.

Question #5: Did Jesus really exist?

Mike's question: Did Jesus really exist?

Current Mood: Knitting

As it turns out Mike, Jesus did exist. I was curious about this myself so I went on a little adventure back to the time that he supposedly existed (a skill my grandmother taught me) to investigate for myself. I learned a lot that day. Jesus (not his real name) was a nice guy who sometimes struggled with impatience and was fond of the color 'lemon.' He was quite the radical (i.e., was not good with authority) who frequently complained about feeling misunderstood. He professed that all humans had the capacity to be "nice" if they'd only wake the fuck up. "Otherwise," I heard him say, "We're all just silly little, delirious meat puppets going around and around in circles, lifetime after lifetime." Jesus lived during a time when there was little freedom and people smelled really bad. And here's a little known fact, Mike - Jesus invented the tambourine. He was, in fact, the original Mr Tambourine Man.

Keep those questions coming!

Question #4: Why Isn't It All Different?

John's question: Why is everything like this? Why isn't it all different?

Smart question from a smart man. The answer, John, is that it can only be different if you have a skin transplant.

(Here's a fun little fact:  did you know that "skin" is the largest organ in the human body? . . . fuck skin)

Getting to Know Steve (Part 2)

My collection of spiders and monkeys:

Question #3: On feeling bad

Stephen's question: Why do I feel bad?

I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling well, Steve. What you need, my friend, is a weiner dog. It will surely put a smile on your face - and then bite you with its tiny little razor teeth. And then you'll really have something to feel bad about.

Thanks for your question.

Who is Steve the Raven? (An intimate glimpse of my inner circle)

In an effort to get to know me better, I thought it would be nice to share some of my personal photos with you. Enjoy! STR

Here are a few candid shots of my friends:

(above: Halloween 2009 with Stan and Shorty)

(above - my tiny Asian friends)

Question #2: Finding Inner Peace

Xavi44's question: How do you find inner peace?

Now that's a great question Mario. First, you buy a chicken and some colored chalk. Then you take responsibility for everything you've ever done, thought and felt in your life. After that you do 20 fingertip push-ups. And finally you forgive yourself and everyone for everything.

Keep those questions coming . . .

Question #1: What happens when you die?

Margie's question: Steve, what happens when you die?

Excellent question, Margie. However, I need a little clarification first : Would that be before or after I pick at your dead body?

If it's before I pick at your body and you're a christian, your soul might go to "heaven," but that's only if you didn't judge all the non-christians. If you did judge all the non-christians, you'll end up in north jersey after you die.

I hope that helps.